Not really.

Sorry. I lied.

Bye.

Back

Last Monday, my grandmother Wiwi died. It was right after breakfast – the only meal she could handle these days – when her body weakly seized, emptied its wastes, and finally stopped functioning. My mother called to tell me just a few minutes later.

Stream of consciousness

I’m back, though I’m not sure for how long. I guess I should just give an update of where my life is right now – though at the same time that would be an incredibly banal exercise.

You know what? Fuck it. Full disclosure time: the whole reason I’m starting to blog again is that I’m terrified of the future, and I need to make some kind of sense of it before corrupted logic dictates that I swallow a bottle of advil. And before you ask, “what the fuck?” or, “seriously, how the fuck does this relate to anything?” or even, “why is there so little porn on this blog?” know that the answer is such: I’m drunk. Don’t worry, though. I haven’t even begun to plumb the depths of this particular chemical heart of darkness, and with any luck, I won’t.

So me? What’s going on with the old self indulgent piece of shit that writes before you? Well, let us make a list, as is the fashion:

-Before winter break, I followed through with my plan to be diagnosed as an ADD patient. As such, I now get massive amounts of prescription speed at the start of every month. For free! On the plus side, this really helps me to masturbate for protracted periods. Also, it helps me to actually sit down and engage my books…I guess. On the down side, I’m now incredibly depressed and detached, unable to do the few things that brought me joy in this world. And yet, the fucked up thing is that I can’t even feel this depression on an emotional level. The Adderall has finished the job that weed never could: it has almost completely anesthetized me.

-I’ve been trying to get a job. My most memorable experience happened when I showed up for an interview at a brothel, but I was ultimately turned down for the receptionist gig. Really, that story was all set up and no payoff. Sorry.

-Once I tried to wrestle a pig. No I didn’t. I’m sorry I keep on lying to you.

-Oh, and ladies! How could I forget about my wonderful and exciting social impotence?! In the last few months, a few women have allowed me to come to realize a few things. One, my misery is not completely my fault. Oh it may be a huge part my fault, but not 100%. Two, I’m capable of actually being wanted. After both new years and a weird foray into internet dating, I’ve actually had two rather attractive ladies tell me (explicitly) that they want(ed) me. Too bad I’ve got this case of crippling social anxiety, and would thus rather have a heart attack than deal with this malarkey.

So where does this bring me? I’m behind on school work; I don’t see any point in carrying on; I’m drunk on a Friday well before 3pm; my future is a sham, I like bacon these days, etc.

Oh yeah, and my pick-me-up video is “Everyone Says I Love You.” Huzzah for the life well lived…

Review

I just saw “Let the Right One In” at a friend’s house.

I was thoroughly impressed.

Full review later this week.

One more time

This is the last cop-out I swear. Think of this post as a place holder for tomorrow’s post, when I explain exactly why I’ve been so neglectful of this here blog.

Also, I tried making gnocchi again tonight. It turned out even worse than last time. I really should wait until I have a potato ricer or a vegetable mill before I try this long, sticky process again.

Premature

I came to PA far too soon. I have a crap load of stuff that needs to be turned in to the registrar’s office at school, and now I have to mail everything. This is costing me buckets of money, and I’m not sure if it will even arrive on time.

God, I’m such a failure.

Title

I like to think that those who know their way around a kitchen can be considered either cooks or chefs.

Today I tried making homemade gnocchi.

The result convinced me that I am just a cook.

Sorry

Today’s post is going to suck just as badly as yesterday’s. I have to leave for the train station soon, and I won’t be making landfall until 12:40 AM.

So enjoy the respite from what must have seemed like an interminable whine.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I leave Toronto for the sunny, sunny shores of Pennsylvania. After all, it’s Christmas time.

Wish me luck.

Heroin Addict at Christmas

After I picked up my adderall prescription for the first time this morning, I felt like the lucky smack addict, minus the shit gift from grandma.